In My Veins
by breakingatthecracks
Summary: Beca Mitchell has one chance—one last shot at making things right. An incredibly long one-part tale about second chances; Bechloe.


_.Nothing goes as planned, everything will break  
__People say goodbye in their own special way_

You're driving fast, probably above Atlanta's speed limit. You're doing it on auto-pilot. Before this day, you didn't know you could drive this fast—like nothing else matters in your life but your destination.

The last thing you remember is a phone call from Aubrey whose voice was nothing close to her usual airy, thin voice. She could barely utter a word but you get the message because Aubrey's shaky voice plus the word "accident" and Chloe in one sentence are things enough for you to rush running from your dorm to your car.

It doesn't make sense—how bad things happen to good people. It simply doesn't make any fucking sense.

You grip hard to the steering wheel, repeatedly telling yourself to breathe; convincing yourself that Chloe's gonna be fine. You tell yourself that Chloe is strong, that she can surpass this; that she'll stay in your life as your friend, your sunshine; your knight in shining armor.

You reach the hospital in record time. You waste no time. You run as fast as you can and ask the desk about a Chloe Beale. The nurse tells you she's in the OR and you try to think that's a good thing. You start running again hoping your presence outside the OR would help Chloe fight. You need her to fight.

Because you love her.

_And she doesn't know._

They say life has a funny way of screwing people up. It lets us fall for the people who will never love us back. But you decide—the moment you turn the corner only to see Aubrey break down—that life is cruellest when it lets us fall for people and then take them away.

There's pain in your chest. It feels like it's burning while someone is slamming it with a sledgehammer. You can't breathe. Your feet feel light, like they never touch the ground as you run toward Aubrey who looks the worst you've seen her. She's shaking violently and you would too if you don't feel numb at all.

You only realize you're crying and judging by the pain you feel in your eyes, you're sure you have been crying for a while now; probably since the phone call, probably since you first thought that you might lose her.

You halt your steps by the time you're a couple of meters from Aubrey. She's covering her face with her hands and you fear the moment she looks up to you.

And she does.

Aubrey meets your eyes with her awfully teary pair. She's still shaking and you're sure she's having a hard time breathing.

She doesn't say anything. She only looks at you.

You count the seconds.

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

Aubrey shakes her head and then covers her face once more.

"No," you manage, breathlessly.

You try to fight the way your knees almost give up. You fight the way you almost chunk your lunch out. You fight the way your heart almost stops because this can't be.

"No," you cry again, still looking at Aubrey, hoping that she'll look up and tell you she's joking. You'd forgive her even if the joke is cruel as long as it means it's not true; as long as it means you could still see Chloe smiling back at you.

But Aubrey doesn't look up. She only sobs.

And you break down, running toward the nearby OR.

_.All that you rely on and all that you can fake  
Will leave you in the morning but find you in the day_

For the first time in your whole life, you run toward the truth instead of running from it. It's the worst truth you're ever going to face.

You'll never mistake the sight of her red hair splayed across the OR table.

"You're not allowed in here," someone tells you but you ignore it.

Chloe is there, solid and unmoving—just like how she's been in your life since she came barging into that shower.

Your tears are more rapid now and it falls even more freely when you look up the monitor and see nothing but straight lines. You hear no sounds. No beeping. Just a collective muffled talking from surgeons that tried to save her.

There's the rest of the world and then there's Chloe.

No matter how much you walk, you don't seem to get closer. So you stop. Halfway down the OR you just stop and turn on your heels and run.

Chloe's gone.

And even how much you try to wrack your brain to process that, you can't. There's no way you can ever process that truth. So you run; just like the many times that you got scared when Chloe got too close, you run.

Just like the many times you found yourself falling further for her, you run.

You run because that's the only thing you know and you hate yourself for it.

You run until you reach an empty bathroom; you only stop when you're inside, looking at yourself in the mirror. It instantly reminds you of Aubrey's face when she looked at you—the pain in her eyes and the pain in your heart.

You scream, loud; so loud that it hurt your own ears. You don't care if anybody sees you. You don't care if anybody thinks you're weak just because you're screaming in anger and anguish in the middle of a somewhat-filthy hospital bathroom, clueless about how you will live your life after this.

You were lucky to survive your parents' divorce. You're not sure about how lucky you can get after Chloe's death.

She's young and hopeful, and beautiful. She's cheerful and never once did you ever hear her bad mouth other people. She's lovely and graceful and on Bella rehearsals, she'd dance when she thinks no one is watching. She had written down a few ideas about a new set list—ones that are works of a genius but she never tells Aubrey; she only tells you because she trusts you.

The set you performed at Lincoln Center was hers—and yours, something you both spent endless nights remaking and correcting until it was good enough for both of you.

She's smart and talented. She loves music and she plays the piano. She'd stay after a long day with the Bellas. She'd sit by the old piano and play random tunes while you quietly sit in one corner and watch her. One night, she plays _Only Hope _for you.

You remember her meeting your eyes as she sings, _I give you my destiny / I'm giving you all of me / I want your symphony singing in all that I am_. It's like she wants to say something. It's like she's saying something.

You try not to read into it.

It frustrates you how blind and insensitive you were. Chloe loved you. She spent the last year of her life loving you as you kept running away. Never once did she complain. She respected the space you unconsciously asked for. She didn't force you to feel the same but you always did. You never told her and now, you can never—even if you wanted to.

"Idiot, idiot, idiot!" you yell at your reflection on the mirror. You launch yourself at it and then punch it with your right hand countless times until it finally breaks into pieces.

You're bleeding but you don't feel pain in your hands. You already feel the worst possible pain in your heart.

Chloe's gone.

And you can't change that.

Then someone appears from the one of the cubicles—a guy in an all-white outfit, pants and polo shirt and all. He's bald and almost looks like Vin Diesel but not really. You find it weird that he's in the same bathroom as you. If you remember it correctly, this is the ladies' room. He might be a rapist or a serial killer but you couldn't bring yourself to care.

You're crying like it's a normal thing. Your tears won't stop.

Your legs finally give up. You slowly fade down the floor, the wall supporting your back.

_Chloe._

_.You're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out_

"You should get your hand checked," he says. He's looking at you calmly, like he didn't just hear you break down, like you didn't just punch the mirror.

You don't respond because you know he's right but it doesn't matter to you. Your bleeding hand doesn't compare to the pain in your heart.

"You love her," he says and this makes you look at him. You want to be scared because you don't know him at all but he just said the one thing you were never brave enough to say out loud. You clutch your injured hand with your other hand, trying to help the bleeding. It stings just like the way your tears sting your eyes.

He walks toward you and then sits beside you, not minding the shattered glass around both of you.

His gaze wanders off of you for the first time and stares blankly at nothing in particular. "I've been in this hospital for 40 years, Beca."

It startles you because _how did he know your name_?

"Who are you? How did you—"

"I've seen other people break down in this place. That mirror you just broke had been broken for 356 times for 356 different people who died. People run here because it's safe here, no one's watching—at least they think no one is."

It's starting to creep you out so you make a small move to help yourself up.

"What would you wish for if you had one chance?" he asks and it utters you motionless in an instant.

_What would you wish for if you had one chance?_

Chloe.

You don't say anything.

He smiles, "Do you know what the problem with people is, Beca?"

You only look at him.

"We think we have time," he says and briefly looks at you before he looks away again. "We think we have time so we live everyday thinking that tomorrow is gonna be the day. Tomorrow, I'll send in my application. Tomorrow, I'll join this group. Tomorrow, I will kiss her. But tomorrow is never promised. We don't have time, Beca. Forty years in this hospital and seeing numerous people cry in this very bathroom taught me that."

It makes Beca's heart ache even more.

_Who is this guy?_

"Numerous people have come crying here from different walks of life and do you know the biggest regret they all had?"

You only look at him. Part of you thinks he's weird but a part of you is slowly calming down.

"They regret never having the courage to say, _I love you_."

It makes you cry even more because you're now one of those people who cried in this bathroom, who punched the mirror, and never got the courage to say _I love you_.

The man keeps speaking, "It's sad to see people like you, Beca. Peoplewho never got the chance to tell the one they love how much they loved them. It's sad because now, you'll never have the chance to see how it could have been. You won't get to see Chloe attend medical school."

_What the—_

"She never got the chance to tell you that she picked Stanford because it's in California and she wanted to be close to wherever you are as you conquer the world with your music."

You lean your head on the wall, closing your eyes, taking it in.

"And she'll never hear the mix you have been working on."

Your eyes snap open and you look at him furiously because—

"Who the fuck are you?" you ask, your voice is angry but you aren't. You feel weirdly familiar.

"I'm your second chance, Beca."

"What the f—"

"What would you wish for if you had one chance?" he asks, cutting you off.

"It doesn't ma—"

"What would you wish for if you had one chance?" he asks again, this time his voice is firmer, like he wants you to answer.

Your voice shakes and you cry again, "Chloe."

He stands up and smiles. He then takes off his watch and hands it to you-an old-fashioned watch with a black strap. "We think we have time, Beca, but we don't."

He disappears out the door, whistling a song you're sure you've heard before. You look down at the watch in your hands. You don't know what just happened.

You want to know but your whole body is protesting against it. So you lean your head back against the wall and you close your eyes. Tears continue to fall. The silence kills you so you try to imagine Chloe's voice. She's singing _Titanium _in your head so you join in and sing.

_.You're all I taste at night inside of my mouth  
You run away 'cause I am not what you found_

You don't know how long you've passed out but you wake up at the blinding light from somewhere. You grunt in frustration because _where the hell is this light coming from_?

You block the light with your arm, still feeling a little bit of pain from punching the mirror but it has gone numb none the less, just like the rest of your body. You're finally sitting up and you finally look around. It took a split second for you to realize that you're sitting on the green lawn of the Barden school grounds—the place where you spent most of your days alone before you joined the Bellas.

_What the fuck?_

The grounds are quiet, though. No students packed in groups are around to make you feel that you don't belong anywhere. You look around once more, no one seems to be around. It's weird to see Barden like this.

You try to stand up because you're internally panicking. _What is happening?_

But before you could actually make a move, a voice calls from behind you—a voice you never thought you'd hear again.

"There you are."

You turn to her so quickly that it almost gives you a whiplash. Your eyes are wide because Chloe is walking toward you with that happy look in her eyes. She's beaming.

Most of all, she's alive.

It should scare you, really; except it doesn't because when Chloe sits beside you, all the remaining rational part of your brain gets lost. You almost jump at her, hugging her like your life depended on it.

She laughs, so painstakingly genuine that it hurts your entire body. "Hey, I guess somebody missed me," she says.

You untangle yourself from her, touching her face, her arms while looking into her eyes. "You-you're h-here," you say, your voice shaky—and needy.

She looks at you with tad of confusion, "Of course, I'm here."

You look at her, stunned. You bring your hand up to her face and that's when you notice it.

_Your hand._

You sit back properly, eyes trained to your hand that doesn't have any single trace of wound or blood. It looks unharmed, no signs of mirror-punching or anything like that.

"Beca, are you okay?" Chloe asks you, scooting closer so that she's beside you.

There's silence after that.

You're still looking at your hand.

_What is happening?_

Your heart is racing.

"Beca?"

Startled, you turn back to Chloe and she's still there, "Yeah?"

"Are you okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

_This is not happening to her_.

Is this a dream?

Is she seeing Chloe's ghost in a dream?

"I—uh, I'm fine. I just—"

"Beca Mitchell is stuttering?" she teases and then leans her head on your shoulder.

It warms all of you. Chloe leans her head on your shoulder and suddenly, all the numbness has turned into familiar warmth. And you find this funny because you're sure that even if this is just a dream, you wouldn't want to wake up.

_.You're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out._

There's silence after that. You turn back to your hand. You find it weird and creepy. But you start to believe that this is just a dream, no matter how real Chloe feels beside you, it's not real—even if your whole body shouts to believe it.

You're almost convinced that this is life's way to comfort you for taking Chloe from you. You fall asleep in the bathroom and then you dream about a moment with Chloe in the middle of a peaceful spot in Barden which doesn't exist in real life. It pains you but you take it in anyway.

You kiss the top of Chloe's head and take her strawberry scent in. It almost makes you want to cry.

You're almost convinced that you're gonna wake up soon and this will all be over. You're gonna be forced to face the truth that you've lost her—forever.

You're almost there, convinced about this being a dream until you spot the watch _he _gave you. Your eyes widen again. You pick it up and it feels real in your hand, just as real as Chloe who's contentedly sitting beside you, looking at the clouds.

You look at the watch.

8:34 AM  
June 11

This time, your jaws drop.

The accident happened afternoon of June 11.

_It hasn't happened yet._

_We think we have time, Beca. But we don't._

Your other hand wraps around Chloe's shoulder and you squeeze her, wanting to verify that this is happening.

You wanted to process it. You wanted to know what's happening but Chloe says something that stops your mind from overdrive.

"Do you remember Activities Fair, Beca?"

You clutch the watch tightly in your hand as you rest your head on top of Chloe's. "Yes, of course, I do."

"I saw you first you know," she sighs. Even if you don't see her face, you know she's content. It's weird. It makes you feel content, too, even though you know that at the back of your mind, something is happening. "You looked like you were just walking around aimlessly, unsure of what you were actually looking for."

It makes you smile, "That's pretty accurate."

"Then, you saw us."

_.Everything will change  
Nothing stays the same._

"Then I saw you," you say because that's true. You remember seeing Chloe, her poise under pressure is admirable. You remember thinking that the blonde (who, you learn later, is Aubrey) is trying too hard not to crack. The ginger does it naturally. "I saw you and maybe, I had the slightest idea of what I had been looking for."

Chloe lifts her head up from its place on your shoulder. She looks at you, smiling in a semi-amused way.

You chuckle.

She asks, "What is happening to you, Beca Mitchell?"

You shrug and look away. Her stare makes you weak and fearless at the same time. It melts you and molds you. It gives you butterflies—the best kind and she's the only one who can do that. Worse, it makes you—

"Blush," she says.

You turn to her, "What?"

"You're blushing," she says laughingly. "What's wrong with you?"

You laugh.

It's so mushy and it almost feels like a scene from those movies Jesse has forced you to watch.

"Nothing. I'm just saying that when I saw you, I knew I was looking for a group that makes music all from their mouths," you tease.

"My pep talk got you."

"Nope," you say because you know, _Titanium _did.

"Then, why did you join the Bellas?"

You ask yourself the same question.

You meet her eyes and she smiles, "Two reasons."

She nods, "One is..."

"Someone who doesn't understand the concept of personal space," you start smilingly. It makes her smile, too and she blushes. It looks good on her and you decide that you like making her blush. "Someone who barged into my life by invading my shower to ask me how high my belt goes," you say and finish with a laugh.

Chloe laughs, too. And _God_, you miss that.

"That very same someone happens to have a voice that makes mine sound better."

Chloe wiggles her eyebrows, "What did I tell you on the first day of Bella rehearsals?"

You cough playfully and try to mimic her voice and wink, "Admit it, Beca, we sound awesome together."

You nod, agreeing for the first time.

"What is wrong with you? Why aren't you denying this? You've spent all of last year denying that," she says as she playfully swats your arm. "And the second reason?"

You pull your legs closer to your chest and then put your arms around them. You rest your chin on your knees as you look at her, "I joined the Bellas because I couldn't stay away."

This momentarily stops Chloe.

_.And nobody here's perfect  
Oh but everyone's to blame_.

You sigh, "I didn't join the Bellas because I wanted to be closer to you. I joined because I can't stay away."

Chloe softens, like she's finally hearing the words she had longed for all her life. She blushes again and this time, she looks away shyly.

"You're blushing," you tease her.

"I'm not," she counters laughingly.

It makes you smile so hard that it actually hurt your face.

"You've had me from day one, Chloe Beale."

Chloe turns to you, meeting your eyes; melting you again with her bright blue orbs.

Your tears brim as you repeat, "From day one."

Chloe smiles the brightest smile you've seen on her.

Your tears fall and she wipes them with her hand. It takes you both a couple of minutes to recover.

You chuckle, "Wow. It feels good saying that."

She grins sheepishly like a lovestruck grade-schooler. "Hey, if it makes you feel any better, you had me the moment you walked inside the shower room singing Titanium. I haven't even seen who was singing and I already thought I have a girl crush."

It wasn't near to the kind of admission you wanted to hear but it's a start.

Your talk is going somewhere and this time, you're not gonna run.

"Why didn't you say anything all year?" Chloe asks.

"Why didn't you?" you banter.

Chloe sighs as she lies on the grass, "I was scared. I've never been rejected before."

"Crass," you joke, lying beside her.

"I'm being serious. I don't know how it feels like to be rejected and I'm not sure if I was ready to see you running away, all creeped out because I happen to have a huge lady crush on you. If it was any other person, I would have gone for it at the showers, believe me."

"You're gross," you tease her.

She smiles, "But you're you. I don't know if I can meet someone as witty, smart, and talented as you again in this lifetime."

You turn your head to look at her and you catch her doing the same.

"I don't know if I was ready to risk losing you."

"So, you settled."

Chloe nods as she looks back up again, you don't tear your stare away. You love looking at her like this, she's calm and collected. She's everything you're not and that's why you love her. She keeps you at bay. She tears you open without breaking you apart. "So, I settled. It worked somehow. You stayed. You didn't leave for LA no matter how many times you could have. You became my friend and that was enough for me because you're raw when you open up to me when it's just us. I liked that. I was ready to live the rest of my life with that."

You remember how you and Chloe have become so close the past year. The late sneak-outs to get food at the nearby diner, the movie Friday nights, the countless times you'd opened up to her about your parents' divorce—all of it. You remember loving every second of it because—the way she smiles, the way she smells, the way her face scrunches when she's reading a Biology book, the way she likes her coffee—you cannot imagine living a day without any of those.

Chloe's energy is intoxicating. It affects you in every possible way. You were never happy and contented; you've always been the dark room kind of girl but Chloe has turned your life upside down.

It's hard to deny Chloe because... she's _Chloe Beale_—all sunshine and happiness, her goodness drips out of her in every way.

You tear up once more because you think that maybe, this is the reason why _He _had to take her so early. She's good and you cannot imagine the world painting her dark.

"Do you have any idea how scared I was when you got arrested?"

It snaps you out of your reverie.

"Jesse was there."

"I wanted to be there. I was freaking out on the way back to Barden because I can't believe we were leaving you with some Treblemaker who liked movies and what does he know about taking care of you?" Chloe says fast, almost sounds a bit jealous.

You chuckle.

"Stop teasing me," Chloe says in slight frustration. "I'm the only one who knows how you want your waffles in the morning, Beca. How was I supposed to trust anyone?"

You nod laughingly, pushing the previous tears back, "Good point."

"I was the only one who was going to stay at your dorm but then Stacie wanted to wait for you and so did Fat Amy and Cynthia Rose. In the end, everybody stayed behind and I was glad because I know you wouldn't expect it but someone actually cares about you, we all cared."

It's your turn to talk.

"I thought I was done with Barden after I blew our set at the semi-finals. But then you had to text me and tell me that I should attend the Bellas rehearsal and that's when I knew I'm too far gone."

"Why?" she looks at you and meets your eyes.

"It was one text, Chlo. One text and you were able to make me swallow my pride and talk to my dad about how I have loved the Bellas. One text and I was already halfway running toward the Bellas rehearsal without any idea what to do. I don't do apologies Chloe but I apologized that day because I was so sorry about snapping at you."

"What you did was right, you know."

You sigh and reach for Chloe's hand. She laces your fingers together and _God, _it's surreal. It's like you've been waiting for this all your life. "I don't like seeing you hurt, Chloe."

"I know," she says smilingly. "I remember how you always yell at me when I'm being stubborn about my medications for my nodes even before the surgery. That's when I knew it might be two-way."

"How?"

"You went to the _stepmonster _to ask about how to take care of someone with nodes. You went that far for me. You have no idea how sick Aubrey was of my theories about you feeling the same for me."

"Aubrey knows?"

Chloe nods, "I tell her everything."

There's a brief silence after that before Chloe burst laughing. You're both forced to sit up because Chloe is laughing too hard.

"What?"

In between laughs, Chloe says, "After that impromptu mashup at the pool when you came back, Aubrey wanted to kill me for eye-sexing you all the time I was singing the song."

You laugh as you look at Chloe whose laughter had died down a notch but is nonetheless still laughing. You laugh endearingly because you remember exactly what was going through your mind when Chloe was singing _Just The Way You Are_, "God, Chloe. You were breathtaking when you were singing that song."

Chloe stops laughing altogether and blushes madly. She doesn't look away.

"I was singing that song to you."

"I was an idiot."

_.All that you rely on and all that you can save_  
_ Will leave you in the morning and find you in the day_

Chloe doesn't say anything to respond. Instead, she inches closer to you until her face is just a breath away from yours.

"Kiss me," she says.

And you do.

You both close your eyes and you're sure it's the best decision you've made in your life.

She tastes like a lifetime's wait for something good to happen. She tastes like forgiveness. She takes like second chances. She tastes like love.

The kiss was chaste, soft, and fleeting. It leaves you wanting more.

You open your eyes the moment it's over and you see her staring at you like the way she always does when you're singing. You can tell she's enamored and you are, too—always have been.

"You haven't answered my question, Beca. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was scared, too. I push people away, Chlo. I ruin everything I touch. I didn't want to do that to you. You were graduating and I was either heading off to LA or staying here. I don't know where you were going. You were ready to graduate, excited even. To you it was graduating, to me it was about me. You were leaving me and that sucked."

Silence.

"You're this perfect girl who sweeps me off my everytime you come around and you have no idea you're doing that. You don't break my walls, Chloe. You break through them. You never asked me to change and you're the first person in my life who actually paid attention to what I was doing in my laptop."

Chloe smiles.

"You're the first person in my life that looked at me and _saw_ through me, Chloe. I don't know how you do it but you seem to take the best out of me, the best that's even better than I was ready to admit because you taught me how to _care,_" you pause to chuckle, "People in my life have tried to teach me that for 19 years but you... you just came barging into my life and shower one day and you didn't have to try at all."

"You're vomiting words."

"And you make me word vomit."

You both laugh.

Your heart stops for a moment, remembering what the man in the bathroom said, _"They regret never having the courage to say, I love you."_

Your heart is pounding. Your knees are weak and you can't feel your hands. It's like the world is spinning but you feel brave. Weird.

You feel brave.

_.Oh you're in my veins  
And I cannot get you out_

"I was scared, Chloe, because I grew up believing that I don't deserve anyone. I didn't tell you because I knew there was a chance you felt the same—that makes it even harder because I don't deserve you, Chloe. You deserve someone better—"

"Shhh—"

"I love you too much to tie you up with someone as broken as I am," you say with every ounce of strength you've got.

Chloe's face is half-happy and half-confused, "You what?"

"I love you, Chloe—always have, always will."

Chloe beams so bright that it rivalled the sun.

And you?

You feel invincible.

"Wha-what about Jesse?"

"I broke up with him last week because I couldn't fool myself any longer."

If it was possible, Chloe's smile grew wider. It reaches her eyes and you memorize it. You decide right there and then that Chloe has the best smile in the world.

"Stop smiling," you tell her but you don't mean it.

She pulls you up until you're both standing and she hugs you, calmly and warmly. It's silent all around you. No one breaks the hug. You feel happy in Chloe's arms. It makes you ask yourself why it's taken you so long.

"You're an idiot, Beca," she tells you.

You don't see her face but you know she's smiling. You nod, "I know."

You don't know what's happening. You don't know what's real. Are you dreaming? You're not sure about anything right now but there's one thing that you're aware of, Chloe is in love with you. And you are in love with her.

They say life has a funny way of making things work and you almost accept the truth that maybe, life is more cruel to some people—one of those people being you. The girl loves you back but then the girl dies and a part of you dies with her—the very same part was something you didn't know you had until she came along.

You almost accept it but then, your mind—your stubborn mind—just won't.

"Come back, Chloe," you tell her and she breaks the hug.

You expect her to look at you in confusion but the look you see in her is soft and sad, like she knows what you're talking about; like she knows she's dead and she can never come back; like she knows this _might _be a dream or a hallucination.

She only smiles.

"I need you," you admit because it's true.

She doesn't say anything but she smiles and kisses your cheek. Chloe then leads you to sit back on the grass, not letting go of your hand.

Your heart starts to race for reasons you don't understand.

"It's getting late, Beca," Chloe tells you.

It confuses you because where you are, the sun is still shining really bright.

"You have to go back," she tells you again.

You look at her and memorize her face.

_God, she's beautiful._

"Come with me," you beg.

She smiles sadly, "Close your eyes, Beca. We don't have time."

"No! Chloe!" you raise your voice in frustration.

"Beca," she calls you out. She cups your face with her hands and looks you in the eyes, "You're going to be fine."

You feel tears in your eyes again.

"Chloe," you cry silently this time. "Why?"

"Close your eyes, Beca."

And you do—for reasons you don't understand, you close your eyes.

"I'm in love with you, Beca Mitchell," you hear her say before you feel her lips on your hand.

_.Everything is dark.  
It's more than you can take._

You don't know how long you've been unconscious but as you open your eyes, reality slaps you hard with the truth—it was a dream.

The most amazing you've felt in such a long while was a _fucking _dream.

Your lips tremble; you could still feel Chloe's kiss. Your hearts stars to race at the thought.

_Chloe_.

You shoot up quickly and you immediately regret it because your whole body hurts. You look around and realize you're at the ER with a number of nurses and surgeons going on and around you, attending other people's injuries; unaware of your broken heart and spirit.

It's true.

_Chloe's dead._

Tears threaten your eyes again and _God! Why did it have to be Chloe?_

You're crying again. It just hurts everywhere and crying seems to be the only sensible thing to do.

You feel your hands tremble and that's when you notice your hand—the one Chloe just kissed. It is heavily bandaged and only then do you feel it sting.

It was a dream.

You sigh heavily and you have no idea what to do. You want to see Chloe. So, you make a move to get out of your bed. Your body is sore but you don't care.

You slowly get up.

"Hey, hey."

There's no mistaking Jesse's voice. There's a mix of relief and concern in his eyes when you see him.

"How long have I been out?" you ask him as you struggle to put your jacket on.

"Nineteen hours—Beca, wait," he rushes to help you put your jacket on.

That stops you momentarily, "What?"

He nods nervously.

"Where did they take Chloe?"

Jesse looks at you, confused.

"Jesse!" you call him out. You need to know where she is because you've been out nineteen hours and if her parents had managed to come down to take her remains in that span of time, you'd probably lose it.

You'll lose it because you've already lost her, the thought of not seeing her for the last time is just too much to handle.

Then, Jesse says it.

"Beca, she's in Room 311A."

_.But you catch a glimpse of sun light shining down on your face._

Your entire system stops for a second. You swallow audibly. Agape and eyes wide, you hang on to the next word Jesse says. Your tears are threatening to flood again but for different reasons this time.

"She came back."

And that's all you needed to hear before your eyes to burst in tears and your feet to sprint off running.

_She came back._

Your whole body is sore but you run fast anyway, doing your best to avoid every nurse and doctor that blocked your way. Until today, you didn't know you could run this fast, like nothing else matters but your destination.

They say life has a funny way of punishing us. It lets us fall for people who would keep on hurting us. But you decide—the moment you reach Room 311A—that life also has an amazing way of rewarding us.

Chloe is lying on a hospital bed looking the most fragile you've seen her. There are machines attached to her body. Her arms are bandaged and her forehead is wrapped with gauze. It has traces of blood.

But her head is turned from you, facing Aubrey—and they're _talking_. She's awake and _alive_ and talking to Aubrey.

Your tears fall because _she came back_.

You walk gently toward the door, careful not to disturb their moment. You look at Aubrey; her eyes look tired but she also looks happy and relieved. Her hand is on Chloe's and their connection makes you want to cry.

In the middle of their silent, slow talk, Aubrey catches your eyes. She smiles at you which makes Chloe's head turn to your direction.

And just like that, you're looking into her eyes and she's smiling.

Life has a funny way of rewarding some of us—and you're lucky, no doubt, because the one you love decides to love you back.

"Beca," she calls your name and it makes your heart jump. Your tears brim in an instant but they're tears of happiness because you know this is real. Her voice is husky but it still sounds distinctly like her old voice. And that means so much to you.

Chloe is alive and she just called your name.

"She's gonna doze off in a matter of minutes, Beca," Aubrey says, letting go of Chloe's hand and kissing the top of her bestfriend's head. She looks at Chloe and says, "I'll be back tomorrow, okay? We'll talk again when you're not high," she says with a tired giggle. Chloe giggles too and you shoot a quick prayer of thanks just because.

"Stay the night," Aubrey tells you.

Aubrey walks out after that, leaving you and Chloe in the middle of all the equipment that sound like life, survival, and recovery.

"Hey," she calls you in her small, tired voice again. "C'mere," she summons you and your body obeys. You're standing next to her and she looks at your injured hand. She smiles weakly, "I would hold your hand if only I could move my arms."

You smile weakly as well, putting your hand above her bandaged one.

"What ha—"

"Don't scare me like that again, Chloe."

She smiles at you.

"I die for a few seconds and you've turned into a cheese ball," she jokes. She sounds tired but she also sounds glad.

You put a hand on her cheek and she automatically leans to the touch. You kiss the top of her head and you can tell she's a little shocked so you meet her eyes, "I'm not kidding. If you do this again, I'll kill you twice."

She laughs and you smile for the first since God knows when.

You look at her, trying to take in the sight of her life. She's alive, smiling, and laughing. You never thought this would happen again but you get a second a chance.

By habit, you slip your other hand in the pocket of your jacket and your hand finds something vaguely familiar—_the watch_.

"_We think we have time, Beca, but we don't."_

Then, you say it.

"I'm in love with you, Chloe."

Chloe's face is unreadable but there's a certain spark in her eyes.

She smiles and playfully rolls her eyes, "I had to die and come back for you to finally admit that?"

You smile and she pulls you closer to her until she's just a breath away, "Lay beside me?"

You do and you wrap your arms around her.

"I had a dream, Beca," she says in a sleepy voice. You know she's gonna doze off soon. "You told me I've had you since day one."

Your eyes widen and it honestly creeped you out but you have stopped asking _what's happening _since you woke up—for whatever it is, that _dream _has made you realize so many things.

"Maybe, that's the reason I came back. I wanted to hear you say it."

"I love you," you say because really, despite all the weird things that have happened, she's back and she's alive and it makes you love her even more.

"I love you," she says and kisses your cheek.

You both fall silent then and she goes back to sleep. You look around you while lying beside her. You watch the machines that are keeping her together, keeping her alive—same as they do to you. The beeping gives you comfort. The rise and fall of Chloe's chest calms your own.

Maybe, they're right about life.

It's cruel, especially when we fall in love. It hurts and it drives us crazy and it kills us sometimes. It puts us in difficult and heartbreaking situations. But as cliché as it is, you learn that the trick is to seize the moment; the trick is to embrace it—because as harsh and painful life can be, it is also beautiful.

It is beautiful because sometimes, the people we love end up falling in love with us, too.

You smile because Chloe was right. She dies for a few seconds and you're now this mushy and sappy alt-girl who cares for a certain redhead like your life depends on it.

You take the watch out of your jacket.

8:34 AM  
June 11

Maybe, it wasn't a dream.

You're not sure what it is but you don't question it anymore. Chloe is heading to Stanford and you're going to LA. You love the Bellas but the sole reason you stayed is going off toward the same direction you have wanted to take for so long now.

It's an extraordinary chance—to go after your dreams and have Chloe with you.

So, you'll take it not because you don't time.

_You take it because now, you do._

* * *

I know this was long but thank you for reading and maybe, you'd like to add a review, yes? Tumblr me, too - .com

._Lines written like this are from a song  
Calle "In My Veins" by Andrew Belle_


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